I've been one poor correspondent lately. I'm sorry. It's the same old story. It's not that I have nothing to say; I seem to have inadequate stamina to get 'er done. But at some point, one must do it anyway.
Careful readers of this humble blog are aware that Friday I finished with the WMD. That was a very happy day. The radiation techs presented me with my mask and a lovely cake. Connie took a couple groovy photos.
This is from the master WMD control room - the safe room. :) That's me on the monitor.
Closer shot of the monitor
I've always had the option to choose my own music while undergoing radiation therapy. Until Friday, I hadn't taken advantage of this feature. For my final session, I chose this.
(It's track #6 on disc 1 here.)
So that was good. No more WMD in my foreseeable future. "Only" several more months of chemo, but that won't start until December.
In a previous post, I showed you some pictures of imagery representing what was being done to my brain. Here are a couple three shots of the machinery administering the treatment and what it looks like while it's doing it's thing.
This is the actual machine that administers the dose of radiation. What you see in the foreground is the table I lie on. That clear plastic square is where I put my head. Then the table gets shoved under that innocuous looking machine in the background.
As you'll see, the top section of that machine rotates. That circle on the ground between the table and the machine also rotates (which rotates the table I lie on). That's how they're able to so finely focus the WMD right where it's supposed to go.
Also of note is the lovely skylight in the ceiling. Just kidding - those are lovely projected images to give me something pleasant to look at. Unfortunately, my eyes are almost always closed. :(
After they shove my head under there, this is what I see when I look up. Shooting through plate glass made it a challenge, but if you can ignore me lying there taking the picture, you can see the lead leaves I mentioned in the previous post. That black hole, in essence, is the shape of the radiation coming through.
Here I am getting it from the left side. Note it's the machine that's rotating here, not the table. The pretty lights are coming from various places and are used to make sure everything is lined up where it's supposed to be.
Finally, it's coming from behind me. Note all those other people's masks on the shelves in the background.
(Major props to Connie for the photography on these last 2 shots.)
I've been trying to get some shots of these lovely people who actually do all the work with me. It's been challenging for some reason (mainly my laziness and being perpetually spaced out), but I promise to persevere.
For my birthday, my wife bestowed upon me a gift certificate for an 1 1/2 hour massage. That's going to be divine.
Last but not least, one of my nieces, Samantha, recently underwent a rather harrowing tonsillectomy followed by more hospitalization with a high fever. She has been home for awhile and feeling much better. My sister (Samantha's mama) sent us all photographic evidence that Sam is feeling much better. You already met Sydney in a previous post. Here's Sydney and Sam.
Lori and I both are still smoke-free. *high fives*
I'm still celebrating being done with WMD and off chemo for a month. I might still be next time you see me here.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Still Smoke-Free
Nothing much has changed since last time we "spoke" - except I haven't had a cigarette since that evening. All Hail Chantix. I don't know if it was just finally my time or if this miracle drug really is all that. It doesn't really matter. It's working.
A couple days ago we splurged on new bedding. Tomorrow (Monday) is Lori's quit date so tomorrow night we sleep on the new stuff... including new pillows! And the new sewing machine will be ready to start pumping out goodies that are untainted by the foul stench of the demon weed. (I'm really trying to not become one of those obnoxious ex-smokers. How am I doing so far?)
Five days left of WMD and morning handfuls of poison. The end is well in sight but it still can't end soon enough.
Beth, who handles dosimetry on Team Jeffrey, was kind enough to email me some screen shots that show how her teammates have been blasting my brain with radiation. (Just kidding, Beth. Y'all are the best! :)) Unfortunately, I'm not completely clear on what they all mean, so here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go ahead and put the images up so you can see them. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to spend a minute with Beth and she can clear up the unclear parts. I will update this post later in the day.
UPDATE: OK, so here we are updating with more data on the imaging images.
---
beam1
beam2
beam4 - You're looking straight down my spine as if you're looking down from the top of my head. Freak show.
These first 3 images are what Beth uses to map out which angles to zap from and how to focus those beams. In each of these 3 shots, you can see nice, smooth lines showing the inner (tumor bed) and outer (margins) areas of focus. The jagged line just outside those areas shows the actual lead "leaves" that are used to focus the beam. (When I'm lying there on the table every day, I hear them changing those leaves between zaps. I didn't know that's what that sound was until today.)
---
dose1
dose2
These next 2 shots are kind of like models Beth uses to plan how to get the required dosages to the areas that need it and for keeping the WMD away from healthy tissue as much as possible. The purple is the tumor bed and the orange is the margins.
I need to see if my SAG card is up-to-date. I feel like I'm in sci-fi movie.
---
dosedvh
This is a chart showing the actual dosage that will be delivered to each area. Each colored line represents a specific area. Unfortunately, you can't see all of the areas, but some are listed at the top (right eye ball, right eye lens).
---
portfilm1
This shot shows a comparison of the plan (left) and what is actually getting zapped (right). You can also see the chunk of my skull they removed to get the tumor out. Yes, the surgeon "missed" the tumor when he pried open my skull. But judging by the rave reviews of the results of the surgery, I gotta believe he was well within the margin of error.
Yes, that is indeed me as the Michelin Man in the lower corners of some of the shots. Those are to show my body's position in relation to the WMD machine.
And here's a turn-of-the-century French postcard my wife just found in a book she has. Kind of blurry but you get the idea.
So there you have it. I never cease to marvel at how smart we humans can be. How do people figure all this stuff out? It's only been about 4000 years since we spent every waking moment thinking about where to find some food. Now look at us.
Tonight I'm celebrating relatively unimpeded breath.
A couple days ago we splurged on new bedding. Tomorrow (Monday) is Lori's quit date so tomorrow night we sleep on the new stuff... including new pillows! And the new sewing machine will be ready to start pumping out goodies that are untainted by the foul stench of the demon weed. (I'm really trying to not become one of those obnoxious ex-smokers. How am I doing so far?)
Five days left of WMD and morning handfuls of poison. The end is well in sight but it still can't end soon enough.
Beth, who handles dosimetry on Team Jeffrey, was kind enough to email me some screen shots that show how her teammates have been blasting my brain with radiation. (Just kidding, Beth. Y'all are the best! :)) Unfortunately, I'm not completely clear on what they all mean, so here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go ahead and put the images up so you can see them. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to spend a minute with Beth and she can clear up the unclear parts. I will update this post later in the day.
UPDATE: OK, so here we are updating with more data on the imaging images.
---
beam1
beam2
beam4 - You're looking straight down my spine as if you're looking down from the top of my head. Freak show.
These first 3 images are what Beth uses to map out which angles to zap from and how to focus those beams. In each of these 3 shots, you can see nice, smooth lines showing the inner (tumor bed) and outer (margins) areas of focus. The jagged line just outside those areas shows the actual lead "leaves" that are used to focus the beam. (When I'm lying there on the table every day, I hear them changing those leaves between zaps. I didn't know that's what that sound was until today.)
---
dose1
dose2
These next 2 shots are kind of like models Beth uses to plan how to get the required dosages to the areas that need it and for keeping the WMD away from healthy tissue as much as possible. The purple is the tumor bed and the orange is the margins.
I need to see if my SAG card is up-to-date. I feel like I'm in sci-fi movie.
---
dosedvh
This is a chart showing the actual dosage that will be delivered to each area. Each colored line represents a specific area. Unfortunately, you can't see all of the areas, but some are listed at the top (right eye ball, right eye lens).
---
portfilm1
This shot shows a comparison of the plan (left) and what is actually getting zapped (right). You can also see the chunk of my skull they removed to get the tumor out. Yes, the surgeon "missed" the tumor when he pried open my skull. But judging by the rave reviews of the results of the surgery, I gotta believe he was well within the margin of error.
Yes, that is indeed me as the Michelin Man in the lower corners of some of the shots. Those are to show my body's position in relation to the WMD machine.
And here's a turn-of-the-century French postcard my wife just found in a book she has. Kind of blurry but you get the idea.
So there you have it. I never cease to marvel at how smart we humans can be. How do people figure all this stuff out? It's only been about 4000 years since we spent every waking moment thinking about where to find some food. Now look at us.
Tonight I'm celebrating relatively unimpeded breath.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Sloggin'
I'm still here. We are into the final 2 weeks of WMD, so the end is in sight, or at least almost. So far no additional symptoms, but the fatigue continues to deepen. After lying in bed most of the weekend, we drove to Viroqua to pick up a couple things and get some food. I wanted to do something to feel normal for an hour or so. It was good.
Today is my last day as a smoker. I'm using the latest miracle drug for smoking cessation called Chantix. Instead of trying to wean me off nicotine, it makes my brain stop "appreciating" nicotine. The plan is that I start taking the pills a week before my target quit date, which I did, and I already noticed a difference. I've been smoking substantially fewer cigarettes each day. (I used to smoke almost exactly a pack a day.)
The original plan was that we were going to have 9/22 (our wedding anniversary) as our quit date, but I decided I didn't want to try to quit smoking while undergoing WMD therapy. So we decided to make 11/15 our quit date. I just decided a week or so ago that I didn't want to wait. Now Lori started her pills today so she'll be quitting this time next week.
This is the first time I've tried quitting with a quit date while not dreading the quitting. I'm still a bit anxious, but for once I'm also eagerly anticipating being done with cigarettes.
It's been 2 weeks since I had any beverage that is sugary, caffeinated, or both. I honestly don't miss it a bit. Although the lemonade at Culvers last night was calling out to me faintly.
I've added a freshly-ground tbsp of flaxseed to my daily regimen (such as it is). I grind it in the coffee grinder and dump into a cup or so of yogurt. Tasty. Much better than Temodar.
The financial results are in for the benefit. It looks like I'll be able to cover all my health insurance deductible and have some left for next year's. First MRI in 2008 will put me over my deductible, so there's no mystery whether I'll be paying my full deductible next year.
Baseball - I bleed Dodger blue, but for a long time now, the Red Sox have been my favorite team in the AL. So this isn't easy for me but I have to say: Go ROCKIES!!
In a sport that plays almost every day, the Rockies have lost only one game since 9/15. (Seven of those victories helped put the final nails in the coffin for the Dodgers.) There have been longer winning streaks but not by much. And NOBODY has done anything like this at this point in the season. Even with the winning streak at the end of the season, they barely made it into the playoffs and that on the final day with help.
A few days ago my brother was predicting the Rockies are going to win the World Series. I told him there's no way they'll get past the Red Sox. But now after the Indians showed the Red Sox are not invincible, I'm not so sure. I still don't think the Rockies can beat the Red Sox, but if the Indians get past Boston all bets are off.
The perfect ending would be for the Rockies to continue their win streak until they're up 3-0 on the Red Sox in the World Series. Then the Red Sox could re-live the 2004 ALCS when they were down 0-3 and came back to beat the hated Yankees.
"Roberts is going! He's safe!!"
Today is my last day as a smoker. I'm using the latest miracle drug for smoking cessation called Chantix. Instead of trying to wean me off nicotine, it makes my brain stop "appreciating" nicotine. The plan is that I start taking the pills a week before my target quit date, which I did, and I already noticed a difference. I've been smoking substantially fewer cigarettes each day. (I used to smoke almost exactly a pack a day.)
The original plan was that we were going to have 9/22 (our wedding anniversary) as our quit date, but I decided I didn't want to try to quit smoking while undergoing WMD therapy. So we decided to make 11/15 our quit date. I just decided a week or so ago that I didn't want to wait. Now Lori started her pills today so she'll be quitting this time next week.
This is the first time I've tried quitting with a quit date while not dreading the quitting. I'm still a bit anxious, but for once I'm also eagerly anticipating being done with cigarettes.
It's been 2 weeks since I had any beverage that is sugary, caffeinated, or both. I honestly don't miss it a bit. Although the lemonade at Culvers last night was calling out to me faintly.
I've added a freshly-ground tbsp of flaxseed to my daily regimen (such as it is). I grind it in the coffee grinder and dump into a cup or so of yogurt. Tasty. Much better than Temodar.
The financial results are in for the benefit. It looks like I'll be able to cover all my health insurance deductible and have some left for next year's. First MRI in 2008 will put me over my deductible, so there's no mystery whether I'll be paying my full deductible next year.
Baseball - I bleed Dodger blue, but for a long time now, the Red Sox have been my favorite team in the AL. So this isn't easy for me but I have to say: Go ROCKIES!!
In a sport that plays almost every day, the Rockies have lost only one game since 9/15. (Seven of those victories helped put the final nails in the coffin for the Dodgers.) There have been longer winning streaks but not by much. And NOBODY has done anything like this at this point in the season. Even with the winning streak at the end of the season, they barely made it into the playoffs and that on the final day with help.
A few days ago my brother was predicting the Rockies are going to win the World Series. I told him there's no way they'll get past the Red Sox. But now after the Indians showed the Red Sox are not invincible, I'm not so sure. I still don't think the Rockies can beat the Red Sox, but if the Indians get past Boston all bets are off.
The perfect ending would be for the Rockies to continue their win streak until they're up 3-0 on the Red Sox in the World Series. Then the Red Sox could re-live the 2004 ALCS when they were down 0-3 and came back to beat the hated Yankees.
"Roberts is going! He's safe!!"
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Benefit Day
This evening was the La Farge Cancer Benefit Extravaganza. I have to admit to a bit of trepidation as the evening approached. I don't have a lot of experience at being a "victim". But everything was very nice. Lots and lots and lots of people showed up. Lots and lots of nice things were donated for the silent auction and as far as I know, everything found a home.
The band rocked, although one could tell they toned it down a bit considering they were performing in the sanctuary of a church. The guitar player was pretty good and I wanted his guitar. It looked like a classic Gibson or maybe a knockoff. Lots and lots of silver - all the fretwork was silver. Beautiful.
There were lots and lots of people I didn't know but I met many of them. Of course there was a considerable contingent of folks from my workplace. That was very nice.
People are just so nice. It's really overwhelming. It's not a huge building but it's decent sized - it was practically overflowing. Before the sun went down there were dozens of people standing around outside. It was a standing room only crowd.
Let's celebrate small towns and the goodness in people.
The band rocked, although one could tell they toned it down a bit considering they were performing in the sanctuary of a church. The guitar player was pretty good and I wanted his guitar. It looked like a classic Gibson or maybe a knockoff. Lots and lots of silver - all the fretwork was silver. Beautiful.
There were lots and lots of people I didn't know but I met many of them. Of course there was a considerable contingent of folks from my workplace. That was very nice.
People are just so nice. It's really overwhelming. It's not a huge building but it's decent sized - it was practically overflowing. Before the sun went down there were dozens of people standing around outside. It was a standing room only crowd.
Let's celebrate small towns and the goodness in people.
Monday, October 08, 2007
It's Another Post!
I'm on a roll.
I recently acquired a new penpal. Cathy found this blog through a posting I made on a brain tumor forum. She had a diagnosis very similar to mine. You can read her story and check out her blog.
Words fail when trying to express how huge it is to talk with people who have been through this before. That was why Scott was such a huge find for me. So if there are any lurkers out there who've been through this brain tumor deal, please drop me an email and say "Hi". Of course any and all lurkers are more than welcome to pop in and say "Hi", too. (Hi Jen!)
OK, here's the photographic evidence I promised yesterday. It's probably not as gruesome as it seems to me, but it's kinda grim. I took one shot with hair on one side so you can see the contrast. I then (with a major assist from my wife) trimmed down to nothing what hair was left.
Pre-shave
Post-shave
The WMD destruction site
What shall we celebrate? How about Cathy and people popping in to say "Hi".
I recently acquired a new penpal. Cathy found this blog through a posting I made on a brain tumor forum. She had a diagnosis very similar to mine. You can read her story and check out her blog.
Words fail when trying to express how huge it is to talk with people who have been through this before. That was why Scott was such a huge find for me. So if there are any lurkers out there who've been through this brain tumor deal, please drop me an email and say "Hi". Of course any and all lurkers are more than welcome to pop in and say "Hi", too. (Hi Jen!)
OK, here's the photographic evidence I promised yesterday. It's probably not as gruesome as it seems to me, but it's kinda grim. I took one shot with hair on one side so you can see the contrast. I then (with a major assist from my wife) trimmed down to nothing what hair was left.
Pre-shave
Post-shave
The WMD destruction site
What shall we celebrate? How about Cathy and people popping in to say "Hi".
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Still Alive
It's a new record. I haven't posted for 5 days. It's not like I have nothing to say - there's just no energy available to type it out. Wednesday I was all motivated to write a big long post about the evils of the pharmaceutical companies and how they have a profit motive to NOT cure things like cancer. (Did I mention I'm a little crazy lately?) When it was evening and time to write, it just it didn't seem all that important anymore. What was important was lying down.
The hair removal process is going swimmingly. I basically have a line down the center of my scalp that bisects the haired and the hairless. Someday soon I'll produce some photographic evidence.
Oh, here's some news. Lori ordered the sewing machine. Quite by accident she found out the deal was going to end on Thursday. If you check the ticker, you see we're still short of the price by about $300. We decided it was worth it to put the balance on a credit card in order to still get the box of goodies. So we're leaving the ticker up and any donations made will be used to retire that $300 on the credit card.
So a big thanks to everyone who contributed. The machine is on it's way!! Let's celebrate that!
The hair removal process is going swimmingly. I basically have a line down the center of my scalp that bisects the haired and the hairless. Someday soon I'll produce some photographic evidence.
Oh, here's some news. Lori ordered the sewing machine. Quite by accident she found out the deal was going to end on Thursday. If you check the ticker, you see we're still short of the price by about $300. We decided it was worth it to put the balance on a credit card in order to still get the box of goodies. So we're leaving the ticker up and any donations made will be used to retire that $300 on the credit card.
So a big thanks to everyone who contributed. The machine is on it's way!! Let's celebrate that!
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Making Lemonade - or Omelets
So I'm distressed about losing my hair. (I know, I know - it'll grow back and I already had short hair. I know.) A co-worker has been wearing this hat that I've been admiring. OK, coveting. I was coveting it. I even told her not to leave it lying around if she wanted to keep it. So I had someone make me one just like it, and here it is:
Monday, October 01, 2007
Hair Loss Commences
At lunch today Lori noticed some loose hair on my head. She thought I'd shaved or something. On further examination it is quite apparent that I'm losing hair in at least a couple spots. It was noticeable enough to me that I was compelled to cover up with a bandana.
This was after spotting my name on a poster advertising a band that's playing in town next week. It's the band that's playing at the big cancer benefit. My name, Jeffrey Carl, on a cancer benefit poster - and not as a guitar hero. Yes, it's another "Poor Me" moment.
Cancer SUCKS!!!
OK, I'm better now.
Hey, did I tell you about the awesome benefit next week? A guy with whom we work happens to also be the pastor at one of the churches in town. It seems there's quite the little outbreak of cancer in the area and this lovely man decided to throw a benefit to help the families (ours and two others) defray some of the inevitable unexpected expenses trying to get healthy again can bring.
So there's going to be dinner, entertainment, and a silent auction. When I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I'm actually quite grateful. I've seen this town roll into action when people need help and it's a sight to behold. One of the joys of rural living.
Nineteen days of WMD to go.
This was after spotting my name on a poster advertising a band that's playing in town next week. It's the band that's playing at the big cancer benefit. My name, Jeffrey Carl, on a cancer benefit poster - and not as a guitar hero. Yes, it's another "Poor Me" moment.
Cancer SUCKS!!!
OK, I'm better now.
Hey, did I tell you about the awesome benefit next week? A guy with whom we work happens to also be the pastor at one of the churches in town. It seems there's quite the little outbreak of cancer in the area and this lovely man decided to throw a benefit to help the families (ours and two others) defray some of the inevitable unexpected expenses trying to get healthy again can bring.
So there's going to be dinner, entertainment, and a silent auction. When I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I'm actually quite grateful. I've seen this town roll into action when people need help and it's a sight to behold. One of the joys of rural living.
Nineteen days of WMD to go.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)