MRI Redux

The poobahs on Team Jeffrey have weighed in. They have seen the MRI and saw that it was good. Very good. In fact, one of them (Dr. Minehan, radiation oncology) said that there was no way it could be better. *applause*

Let me repeat that. He said, and I quote: "There is no way this MRI could be better." *long applause*

The aforementioned poobahs are Dr. James Novotny, medical oncologist; Dr. Kiernan Minehan, radiation oncologist; and Dr. Timothy Moynihan, medical oncologist at Mayo Clinic. They are unanimous that high fives are in order all around. *high fives all around*

(Can you tell that Team Jeffrey is very happy about these recent developments?)

My 2 medical oncologists agreed that a reasonable course to follow is to do 6 months of 350mg (!!) Temodar 5 days a month. What I'll probably do is dose the first Monday-Friday each month.

While we do the chemo, we'll be checking labs monthly. Gotta make sure the blood counts stay normal. My radiation oncologist wants to see a new MRI every 3 months for 2 years, every 6 months for 5 years after that, then a new one every year probably for the rest of my life.

Since I find myself talking about the rest of my life... For the first time in months, I feel like I can relax for a minute or two. There's a part of me that has been preparing me to accept that I could very well be done here in the next couple years. It's starting to look like a different outcome is more likely. *applause*

I'm not talking about not having a positive attitude; I think I've done alright with that. But those of you who know me won't be surprised to find out that I see myself as a fairly pragmatic person. I'm generally optimistic, but am by no means a "wish upon a star" kinda guy.

Things feel different now. As long as I'm asymptomatic (e.g. no seizures, killer headaches, etc) and the MRIs continue to come back clean, I'm going to plan on being around. *blank stares* Just kidding. *standing ovation*

Meanwhile, tonight let's celebrate all the folks out there who are working tirelessly to figure out this brain tumor thing. Like this guy, for instance.*

I read a lot about other people's experiences dealing with this particular ugliness and for many, many of them, it is heartbreakingly cruel. We need to make it go away.

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To close, I'd like to share some goat footage.



*Now a $5 donation will get you an awesome wristband. I'm wearing one now and feel even sexier than normal.

MRI Day - CLEAN!

There it was.

The arrow points to the empty space where the tumor was. The radiologist and my neurologist agreed unanimously that the white outline is something like scar tissue from the surgery.

The absence of any swelling is great news. Additional white areas likely would indicate growth of leftover cancer cells. The fact that there is little if any additional white doesn't mean there ARE no cancer cells, but it does mean there's no visible evidence of any further growth.

Friday I'll see the onks and get their opinion. I expect to also learn what my medical oncologists prescribe as far as more chemotherapy. I fully expect they will want to play it safe and put me on something like a 5/23 (5 days on, 23 off) for the next six months or so. As long as it doesn't make me sick as a dog, I suppose I'm OK with that. We shall see.

The good news is there is no evidence of further growth. If we have to balance the good with the bad, I suppose the bad news is that there's no guarantee for future MRIs. If the bad news never gets worse than that, I'll be thrilled.

I don't know if it's the chanting, the praying, the flaxseed, or something else. Whatever it was, let's celebrate it.

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Obviously I've returned safely from my journey out west. Except for the incident with the deer, I don't see how things could have gone better. But for a day or so, the weather was exceptional. I was in a bit of a race with some nasty weather on the way home but made it in plenty of time.

The best part was spending time with my family. Friday we celebrated the holiday with my folks, three of my siblings and their offspring.

I gotta give out a little special shout out to this guy. Often he acts like he doesn't want to talk to me but when it came time for me to leave he ran over and gave me a huge hug... had me pick him up to get it right. Then he insisted that his daddy take a picture of him and me. *sniff* *gulp* I think he likes me.

If you've never experienced sunrise on the high plains, I highly recommend it. I was tempted to take pictures but I know I'm incapable of coming close to capturing the reality. Breathtaking and gut-wrenching all at once.

All in all, the trip was a huge positive. I feel like my quality of life went up a couple notches because of the experience. At the same time, it is wonderful to be home. My reunion with my wife was joyous.

There's no place like home.

Another Post!

I'm sitting in Starbucks again. I'm on the phone answering questions regarding my SSDI application. I gotta say, these civil servants rock. Talk about a thankless job. As for me, I shall redeem the time while I wait.

Very happy news on the deer damage. No, I can't confirm that the deer is alive, but I can say that replacing the head lamp was about as painless as could be. The part cost less than half of what I was expecting. The NAPA guy and I were able to install the part right there in the NAPA parking lot. We didn't even need any tools.

Here is how it looks now. Marvelous, no?

And here's a shot of some of the lovely people I'm visiting.

I've Been One Poor Correspondent

I have no excuse. Yes, there's a lot going on around. Yes, I'm still tired always. Really the only reason I haven't updated since over TWO weeks ago is... because I haven't updated. Now that nobody is checking in anymore, I think I'll do an update.

About a week ago, I found out when my short-term disability at work was going to expire. I knew it wasn't going to last forever, but for some reason when I found out the actual date, it kinda brought things into focus. I realized that if I wasn't feeling a lot better by then, I was probably going to be out of a job with no income and no insurance.

When the whole Cancer Experience started, the social worker at the cancer center told me it would be smart to get the balling rolling for Social Security sooner rather than later. When I looked at the SS web site, it seemed to me that I couldn't apply because I was still working, so I didn't bother. (Since then I've learned that one can still apply even though one is still working.)

Last week I realized I needed to move on this issue. I had already been feeling weird about not working regular hours. It started to seem unfair to me for my boss to not be able to really depend on me being there on a regular or full-time basis. After discussing my concerns with her (my boss) and consulting with human resources at work, I decided it was time to take a leave of absence until I am ready to return to work full-time. This allows my employer to put someone in place to do my job while I'm away and also allows me to get the ball rolling with SSDI if I find I'm unable to return to work when short-term disability insurance expires. Since it's a leave of absence, I'll still be covered by my current health insurance.

So I'm not working for the time being. This is a significant adjustment.

Somehow as I was making some decisions regarding employment, I also came up with the brilliant idea to drive myself to Washington state where most of my family lives. So that's what I did. I'm writing this from a Starbuck's (for the wi-fi hot point) in Vancouver, WA.

The drive out was lovely. I've been through Montana many times as a child and once or twice as an adult, but this was the first time in ages. Parts seemed like scenes from another planet. (e.g. Just east of both Bozeman and Butte, for those of you who follow these things.) I tried some "dashboard photography" but that never works out, does it? It didn't this time.

Here are a couple shots from the western side of the Lolo Pass descent.

Another exciting time was when I accidentally hit a deer just as I was leaving Billings, MT. It was about 5 a.m. and was just getting up to cruising speed (80 mph in MT). About the time I offered up my customary prayer to the universe ("No deer, please"), there he was. I didn't have time do much other than brake gently and try to not lose control of my vehicle.

I never could tell what happened to the deer. I'm choosing to believe he barely broke stride. By the time I got pulled over the shoulder to inspect the damage, the site of the incident was too far behind me to see anything. Did I mention it was 5 a.m. and quite dark?

Here's the damage the deer did.

And here's what it looked like after I grabbed a roll of duck tape from the conveniently situated Walmart 5 miles down the road.

I spent some time in the Walla Walla, WA, area on Monday. I lived there about 4 years of my life (off and on) between the ages of 4-9. As a result, most of the scenery of my imagination is plucked from that terrain. Driving around the town quickly became a deluge of familiar scenes - scenes I see all the time in my imagination but never think about where they came from. Here they were.

Here's an example: Jethro Tull does a song called Aqualung. The opening lyric of that song is "Sitting on a park bench...". When I imagine ol' Aqualung sitting on that park bench, he's sitting on a bench in the Kiwanis Park in College Place, WA. I saw that park bench Monday.

Similar memories flooded me and I finally had to just leave. I could only take so much. It was surprisingly to me how emotional I felt.

I was also moved by how old and almost seedy the place felt. I saw the house my dad's aunt and uncle lived in. Back then (we're talking mid-1960s), this house was one of the nicer homes on the block. Now it's all sad and rundown.

And now I miss my wife dreadfully. I think it was a good thing for me to make this trip, but even so... I wish I was there with her now instead of here.

Weekly Check-in

Last night (Saturday) was the 2nd annual Scorpio Sirens birthday bash. Several people with whom I work are Scorpios and I think we each are rather proud of that - the Scorpio thing. Three of the most creative of these Scorpios (one of them happens to be my boss) are women and are all 3 celebrating landmark (divisible by 5) birthdays this year. Since I'm a Scorpio, I had to attend, don't ya know.

We pretty much took over one of the bars in town - the one that used to be a theater. For starters, there was a band, which we missed. I wanted to conserve energy so we didn't want to get there too early. We did make it in time for the fire-swallowing birthday candle lighting. You had to be there.

Then we danced. Lori says the last time either of us danced was at last year's holiday party. It's hard to believe, but I think she's right. The DJ last night was "straight from NYC", and I believe it. It was HOT - the music, the special Scorpio Powerpoint presentation playing on the back wall, the body odor. First time I've really enjoyed dancing in a long, long time. (For those keeping score at home, I'd say it was autumn of '03 at The Blue Nile in Minneapolis. The woman I was dancing with wasn't my wife, but she later became her.)

We were there for 2.5 hours and danced most of the last 1.5 hours. Walking home, I was doddering and Lori's feet were aching. Speaking for myself, it was worth it.

This morning I was tired, but after watching a couple movies*, I set out to do some chores I'd been wanting to get at. I started putting plastic on the windows upstairs. Not exactly strenuous labor, but before I was done with the first one I was feeling wobbly on my feet and needed a rest. I did 2 more windows before taking a lengthier break (more lying in bed) and never got around to the last window.

Later I started doing some laundry and by the time I had put the 2nd load in the dryer, I was feeling sick. Not nauseous, but weak and shaky.

I'm starting to be concerned that people are going to grow weary of my relative uselessness. My boss has been very gracious and cooperative - giving me lots of leeway with scheduling and general understanding. But I know it's frustrating for her sometimes. She had been accustomed to me being available and now a lot of the time I'm not. How long until she says "Enough"?

I really can't say I feel any better than I did at the end of the WMD treatments. In 3 weeks or so I'm going to start up with chemo at an increased dosage for the first week of each month. Rumor has it this increased dosage can bring on more side effects. Some people work straight through the chemo, some people are laid up for a week or so each month.

My intent is to keep getting up and trying to do the next right thing. Besides that, there's nothing to do but wait and see. And try not to worry.

*The films I saw today were The Maltese Falcon and Apocalypto.

The Maltese Falcon
I got this one from Netflix a year or so ago and fell asleep while watching. I was bummed I'd missed most of it but returned it without re-watching. I happily saw that it was just starting this morning so decided to try it again. Woohoo! Good call.

Was anybody "cool" before Humphrey Bogart? Maybe Ben Franklin, but I can't think of anyone else. Bogie was never cooler than in his Sam Spade character. And when Peter Lorre is on camera? Forget it. They should have a separate film track just to watch Lorre's face. (For another 5-star film that features Lorre, see M.)

Five stars... easy.

Apocalypto
Not a big fan of Mel Gibson, but he does have a way of portraying good and evil that kinda draws me in. Or maybe it's just the gore.

The story apparently takes place somewhere in what we now call Central America right before the Spanish set feet on those shores. Some natives who live in a "stone-built" place subdue other natives who live in the jungle. There's lots of drama with very realistic bloody parts. The actors are apparently speaking something like Mayan so it's all subtitled.

There's one spot where this dying, diseased little girl tells some of the bad guys how they're going to die. Very creepy and compelling.

High marks for the cinematography and effectively telling the story using actors who, mostly, had never acted.

3 out of 5 stars.