I have no excuse. Yes, there's a lot going on around. Yes, I'm still tired always. Really the only reason I haven't updated since over TWO weeks ago is... because I haven't updated. Now that nobody is checking in anymore, I think I'll do an update.
About a week ago, I found out when my short-term disability at work was going to expire. I knew it wasn't going to last forever, but for some reason when I found out the actual date, it kinda brought things into focus. I realized that if I wasn't feeling a lot better by then, I was probably going to be out of a job with no income and no insurance.
When the whole Cancer Experience started, the social worker at the cancer center told me it would be smart to get the balling rolling for Social Security sooner rather than later. When I looked at the SS web site, it seemed to me that I couldn't apply because I was still working, so I didn't bother. (Since then I've learned that one can still apply even though one is still working.)
Last week I realized I needed to move on this issue. I had already been feeling weird about not working regular hours. It started to seem unfair to me for my boss to not be able to really depend on me being there on a regular or full-time basis. After discussing my concerns with her (my boss) and consulting with human resources at work, I decided it was time to take a leave of absence until I am ready to return to work full-time. This allows my employer to put someone in place to do my job while I'm away and also allows me to get the ball rolling with SSDI if I find I'm unable to return to work when short-term disability insurance expires. Since it's a leave of absence, I'll still be covered by my current health insurance.
So I'm not working for the time being. This is a significant adjustment.
Somehow as I was making some decisions regarding employment, I also came up with the brilliant idea to drive myself to Washington state where most of my family lives. So that's what I did. I'm writing this from a Starbuck's (for the wi-fi hot point) in Vancouver, WA.
The drive out was lovely. I've been through Montana many times as a child and once or twice as an adult, but this was the first time in ages. Parts seemed like scenes from another planet. (e.g. Just east of both Bozeman and Butte, for those of you who follow these things.) I tried some "dashboard photography" but that never works out, does it? It didn't this time.
Here are a couple shots from the western side of the Lolo Pass descent.
Another exciting time was when I accidentally hit a deer just as I was leaving Billings, MT. It was about 5 a.m. and was just getting up to cruising speed (80 mph in MT). About the time I offered up my customary prayer to the universe ("No deer, please"), there he was. I didn't have time do much other than brake gently and try to not lose control of my vehicle.
I never could tell what happened to the deer. I'm choosing to believe he barely broke stride. By the time I got pulled over the shoulder to inspect the damage, the site of the incident was too far behind me to see anything. Did I mention it was 5 a.m. and quite dark?
Here's the damage the deer did.
And here's what it looked like after I grabbed a roll of duck tape from the conveniently situated Walmart 5 miles down the road.
I spent some time in the Walla Walla, WA, area on Monday. I lived there about 4 years of my life (off and on) between the ages of 4-9. As a result, most of the scenery of my imagination is plucked from that terrain. Driving around the town quickly became a deluge of familiar scenes - scenes I see all the time in my imagination but never think about where they came from. Here they were.
Here's an example: Jethro Tull does a song called Aqualung. The opening lyric of that song is "Sitting on a park bench...". When I imagine ol' Aqualung sitting on that park bench, he's sitting on a bench in the Kiwanis Park in College Place, WA. I saw that park bench Monday.
Similar memories flooded me and I finally had to just leave. I could only take so much. It was surprisingly to me how emotional I felt.
I was also moved by how old and almost seedy the place felt. I saw the house my dad's aunt and uncle lived in. Back then (we're talking mid-1960s), this house was one of the nicer homes on the block. Now it's all sad and rundown.
And now I miss my wife dreadfully. I think it was a good thing for me to make this trip, but even so... I wish I was there with her now instead of here.
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